RDI: "Watch and Learn"

In case you haven't figured it out, a HUGE part of our RDI Therapy is our training. We are learning how to be guides to a child who does not know she needs them. It's challenging. We are essentially changing the way we think in order to help to change the way Arden thinks.

Recently, we filmed ourselves interacting while eating dinner as a family and sent it off to Allison (our consultant) to analyze. Then she asked us to analyze it ourselves and report back in our online notebooks. It taught me a lot that I thought I already knew about our communication styles. Which was the point.

 I am not going to post that video here - but with her gracious permission, I am going to share some my written exchange with Allison. This is a long post but I think it offers a lot of perspective on the things we are working toward and why they are important.

Important side note: I cannot express how grateful I am to have Allison as our consultant (therapist). She is one of the smartest, most insightful people I have ever met and her place on Team Arden is a perfect fit for our family. I sincerely hope all families in an RDI program feel the same level of connection, support, and enthusiasm we experience every day. 

To set it up for you, our present objective has been to talk less and focus on facial expressions. We are learning to BE guides but sometimes I forget and assume the time has to be productive with regards to Arden, which is what Allison is reminding me. So here's my take on my communication style(s) as evidenced by the dinner video and then our conversation beyond. 

 

 

 

Jess: I believe I generally have a Mother Knows Best style, which basically means I am telling everyone what to do! (Classic firstborn, right?) I notice I make eye contact with everyone when speaking, which I always try to do - but use much more non verbals with Leslie. With Arden, I am trying to share the experience "want to try this? do you need this?" which is somewhat intentional. With D and Sharon*, I am verbal. [In all cases,] I do not wait in interactions, quickly moving on to the next thing. I definitely have a lot to work on.

 

Allison 4/30/2013 - Jessica, I think your analysis is really accurate, and there are some really meaningful insights in your response.  Your communication style with Daniel and his mom is different than it is with Leslie and Arden.  This is pretty typical, especially with younger kids because as parents we are still providing a lot of direction in terms of what they are doing and how they are behaving.  Some of this is inevitable and necessary, but we can also begin to think about communicating in a way that allows for more decision-making responsibility for the girls at times.  Especially for Arden.

You also note that you notice yourself using more nonverbals with Leslie.  I notice this, too...that it seems to come naturally to use nonverbals with her, more so than with Arden.  Between now and when we meet, you can be thinking about why this is.  I see this not only with you but with others, too. 

[It is hard] to slow down when guiding.  That said, so far what I have seen of you guiding Arden demonstrates that you are mindful about making a shift to a slower, more deliberate pace and style of communication at those times. 

Jess 4/30/13: I know exactly why this is - Leslie is actually looking at me and to me for information. She is clearly paying attention and learning from my nonverbal input. With Arden, my instinct is to try to control the situation by being louder and more forceful verbally, even though it doesn't work (nothing seems to work), and she is only recently answering questions and having some conversations with us.

I have to say that the novelty of being in a therapy room with you produces somewhat different results than with us at home - we just can't be in therapy mode all the time. And of course you know that already. I... welcome any help/ insights I can get! I'm still downhearted about things and I don't think I will ever get to a point where I am not spending 80% of my day putting out fires. Makes it easy to doubt my mothering skills.

AM 4/30/13:  You are absolutely right.  What things look like in the therapy room is not always an accurate representation of real life.  Conditions are controlled and kids pretty much universally act differently with a therapist than they do with their parents. :)  Keep in mind that this is more about what we are doing as guides at this point than what Arden is doing.  So, even if she isn't as responsive as we are ultimately hoping for, [you will have] an opportunity to observe me [with Arden] and see if there is anything you can take away from that. And it is a good opportunity for me to continue learning about Arden.  It is tremendously challenging to emphasize multi-channel communication with a child who is not giving a whole lot of feedback that it is appreciated or understood.  So it is not surprising that a tendency towards verbal, instrumental communication often develops.  In fact, this is nearly always the case.  In actuality, when kids are giving us feedback (or a lack of it) that tells us nonverbal communication isn't making an impact, that is often an indication that they need more exposure, more emphasis in order to make discoveries.  Does that make sense?  It is this same lack of feedback that, unfortunately, can also leave you feeling like you must be doing something wrong or missing something big.  Neither is true.  You are putting in more time, energy, heart, and thought into being a mom than most people want to or are willing to.  And it will show.  Your children WILL grow up one day.  Figuring out what it means for you to be a family with a child on the spectrum is a journey, though, and it will take time.

*my mother-in-law, Sharon, ate dinner with us that night.

RDI article "Stop Telling Me What to Do!"

This article is a great example of what RDI is and how we are learning to think differently around here. It takes a lot of practice. 

******

I have been sitting here, looking at this blank space for a few minutes, trying to decide if I should share what I'm dealing with at the moment. It's my blog, so I'm going to.

Okay.

All children are different. Right? They learn at their own pace, they have varied strengths and weaknesses, they are all unique. Which I personally think is wonderful and normal and totally acceptable. And I hate it when we mothers compare our children - when did your child get teeth, when did she start talking/ walking/ reading. Then it's who's in preschool, who's in dance, who's in t-ball... and if our child doesn't measure up in some way (Shock! They are different?! What?) then we somehow aren't good enough as mothers.

We are buying into a lie - That our lives can and should look like anyone else's. That the way our parenting looks matters more to those watching than the way our parenting actually is to those we are parenting. The milestones have become a destination, a checkmark on the list of "ChildRearing" and the Great Mothers make sure their kids hit them early and are signed up for all the busy activities that are considered crucial to the child's well-being and proper development. 

Did I say I hate that? I do. I hate that. We should NOT EVER judge ourselves by using others and their children as the benchmark. Not ever ever ever. Ever.

Only guess what? Everyone does it at some point.

I do it, too.

Here's the truth: My child has autism and I stupidly measure her and myself against typical 3 year olds and their mothers. Anyone see where I'm headed with this?

A few friends are signing their daughters (who are younger than Arden) up for gymnastics and tumbling and t-ball and pottery painting. Fun little summer camps. Camps where the requirement is that the child is potty trained and can follow direction. For us, that's No, No, and um, No.

Not that I especially want A to go to these classes but I look at the classes, at the outings, the conversations, the freedoms, all things these moms and kids do and know that they simply aren't an option for us. It's hard to admit. It's harder to accept. And that's where I am. Learning to accept. Because this is part of God's plan and He knows what He's doing.

I don't want my friends to tiptoe around this or not tell me about things their children do or say just because it points to some glaring disparity in abilities. I'm not jealous and I am mature enough to be truly happy for others no matter my circumstances.

Let's face it - Arden has autism. She isn't potty trained. I accept that it isn't bad parenting - she just isn't ready. Bad parenting, in my view, would be if I forced her to do something when she isn't ready, autism or not. And I have to say I'm really proud of my mommy friends who share without editing or making assumptions about what Arden or our family can or can't do. And by the same token, I'm going to be honest (hopefully gracious, too!) about those things.

I know Arden is amazing. Our RDI consultant, Allison, says she is "dangerously smart." Her pre-k reacher marvels at how much she knows and the funny things she says. She started reading this week. How's that for smart? Reading before 3-and-a-half?!

Obviously, I'm not saying this to show other mothers up. I'm not. I don't put this stuff on Facebook just to brag, though it probably seems like it. The fact is, I am celebrating what we have because this is what we have. And every child's success is worth celebrating.

(And you can bet that when the potty training is complete, we have having a HUGE party. You're invited.)

First Thing This Morning

The girls were crowding me and each other in the bed.

I was tired. The bed was warm. I cracked my eyes open. 

There is some rough snuggling and tumbling and wrestling happening that reminds me of a pair of puppies. Which involves teeth, burrowing under pillows, an elbow in my neck, and a heel in my kidney.

I try distracting them. "Girls, are you ready for breakfast?"

Arden sat up, "Ine hungry."

Leslie follows her lead, "I hondree." She has stopped trying to pull Arden's hair with her toes, at least.

"Okay, how about some cereal and bananas?"

Leslie, "Okay, Mama! Out da bed! Out da bed, Mama!"

I'm stalling. The bed is warm and the house is not. "So, you want cereal and fruit, then?"

Leslie, "Oh! 'Course!"

Well, then.

Engaged Learning

 Paraphrasing an article assigned this week in our RDI family training:

ENGAGED LEARNING is an active process, evidenced by the extraction and adaptation of pertinent information. It is a strategic acquisition and effective organization of knowledge which is then transferred in creative problem solving.

Engaged Leaning is interactive, allowing for co-construction of knowledge. (This aspect of EL is especially intriguing. Does co-construction provide for a more powerful encoding? Why? Just fascinating.) The tasks are  project-, problem-, and/or goal-based. (Helps in constructing a task to think of it with this in mind! Also explains why the RDI parent training is set up this way!)

An Engaged Learner is curious, not for the sake of curiosity but for the application of knowledge that is the result of the discovery, the exploration. An Engaged Learner is not intimidated by the unknown but empowered to observe, to think, to test, and to try again. 

Some in the pages of history would be Thomas Edison, Winston Churchill, and Julia Child, all of whom have quotations attributed to them along the lines of never giving up and the joy is in the journey.

A setting conducive to engaged learning is more a laboratory, less a lecture hall; more an art studio, less a museum. 

The importance of discovery is not just the discovery but also (or sometimes more importantly) the process of reaching it. 

Autism Awareness/ Acceptance

Happy World Autism Awareness Day! I have been touched by the wonderful, thoughtful friends and family members who have posted on Facebook and Instagram that they are wearing blue in honor of today.

I am reading about how a lot of autism parents and adults with autism hate today. I understand how they can feel that it is exploitative or even heartless because the focus can be suffering and disability instead of celebrating and accepting those with autism as they are and offering support in navigating a world that can be difficult and lonely. 

Those with autism aren't broken and they don't need to be fixed. (In fact, I think the notion of a cure is pointless... but that's for another post.) I don't see Arden's autism as a disability, per se. Yes, we have difficulty communicating. Yes, she is benefiting from therapies and interventions. Yes, she is significantly different and developmentally delayed when compared to three-year-olds. But, then again, she isn't all that different. She loves Sesame Street, puzzles, and going to the park. She likes school. She loves to sing, pick flowers, and eat cookies. She is a person, with strengths and weaknesses.

For me, it's been a day where friends and family have stepped up and let me know that they know we are dealing with something big. They have asked how they can include, educate, and love on our children and family. They have been actively seeking education for themselves. They have taken a day of Awareness and made it into more - a day about acceptance and myth-busting. And that is awesome.

Light it up Blue for Autism Awareness.

Overheard Today

Arden, draping a fuzzy scarf over her favorite stuffed toy: "Here you go, Ladybug. Sit tight."

Leslie: "Go potty now, Mama! Go potty now!"
"No, you just want to play in the toilet."
"Tie-let, tie-let, tie-LET!"

Arden, as I discovered just how gross her dirty diaper was, "Oh, gosh! Oh, man. Awww, man! Gross."

Arden, dancing around the kitchen as I was making waffles and eggs for supper: "Mmmmmm-mmmmm! Such de-wish-us food!"

Leslie, running to the front door upon seeing Daddy coming up the walk: "Open up, Daddy! Open up!"

Connecting - A Peek Into (Part of) Our Day

Today's "therapy time" together at home consisted of the song "If You're Happy and You Know It" - a favorite - but I (Jessica) changed the actions - rub your belly, pat your head, pinch your nose, touch your ear. She watched me (I waited to do the actions until she did), made a lot of eye contact, stayed engaged until near the end. More importantly to me, she was listening. When I made up a new, funny action, she smiled.

A little later, she was very affectionate, giving lots of kisses and even snuggling on the couch with me for about 10 minutes with very little wiggling (and my little sensory-seeking girl hates being still!). What it tells me is that she likes the connection we made earlier, she feels safe, she wants to be in the same space with me.

A bit later in the morning, when we were playing with Sesame Street stickers, I asked her to identify the "blue guy" on her hand. She smiled but wouldn't answer, so I asked, "Is it Oscar? Is it Snuffy? Is it Rosita?" I waited for her answer each time, which came pretty quickly: "No...," accompanied by a grin. When I asked, "Is it Cookie Monster?" She said an enthusiastic, "Yes!"

This all sounds so simple and insignificant but Arden rarely answers "yes" or "no" questions and so for her to do so consistently is incredible. Add to it that she is appreciating the novelty I'm introducing (instead of turning away), seeking to give and receive affection unprompted, and even getting a bit tickled by a silly situation - !!! - hard to describe the feeling I get but it's addicting!

This therapy is working! It's incredible to see her mind already expanding, making discoveries. Thanks to all of our supporters - you need to know this is amazing and powerful and making a huge difference for our little girl! We have a very long road ahead but little victories like these give us SO much hope and encouragement.

Thoughts on The Guiding Relationship

In our therapy training with RDI, we have assignments to complete. The hardest part is making time for the work - it's really interesting stuff. In our assignment this week, we had an overview of the concept of a Guiding Relationship - which is basically what every parent has with their child. It's natural and unconscious, for the most part. 

Except not with kids on the autism spectrum, which is why we're learning about it - to learn how to construct a connection that should exist but doesn't. Man's attempt at something God created us to do unconsciously. I thought I would share one of my journal entries here, in hopes that it will illuminate and educate.

How can the Guiding Relationship be constructed if it does fail to develop?

 

The short (smart-mouth) answer is: Very carefully.

I've thought about this a lot since discovering RDI. I'm sure I thought about it even before this - only now I have the words to articulate it whereas before it was just a feeling, an instinct. It's like the old saying that if you are leading and no one is following, you are merely taking a walk. I was (am) walking, begging her to come along, and feeling like a failure every step of the way. 

Now I know what my heart was asking: How do I engage Arden? How do I catch and keep her attention? How do I present and model behavior in a way that she will want to follow? What motivates her?

The key for me is in learning her intense need for control. (Something I can identify with as a personal safeguard.) Not a desire for control, in a willful, conscious, demanding way (as is mine!), but an actual need. When the world is overwhelming to handle, she folds into herself, and my heart breaks for her when I watch it happen. She switches off with a blink and launches into a script and out of the space we were sharing. She needs that safety. Control is the fence around her world.

What I am learning about the guiding relationship is that I have to approach the fence, offer something we can do across those boundaries, teach her to trust, and wait for her to let me in. She gets to choose to participate. Whatever she does on her side of the fence is her choice. My job is to offer things from my side of the fence that will result in an opportunity for her to think in different ways. Something she can't anticipate. Something that doesn't have an obvious outcome and therefore might make her uncomfortable. But since it's presented in a comfortable, fun setting and I'm respecting the boundaries of the fence, there is the likelihood that thinking and learning will take place, instead of the immediate mental switch-off at the unexpected.

I think respect of boundaries is more crucial in constructing the GR than it is in typical parent-child relationships. Which makes perfect sense to me - in Arden's mind, she has always been responsible for herself. She is not willing to give up control on a whim any more than any rational adult would. Not being able to use logic and negotiate with her is one of the hardest aspects. She does everything on her time, with her rules, according to her logic. I understand it is a type of survival instinct, but it's just such an incredible challenge, I despair of ever getting there.

My goal is that she will eventually invite me in her yard and actively submit to coaching. She has so much potential! I long to teach her and interact with her in a more natural way.

That Best Portion

"That best portion of a good man's life,
His little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love."

William Wordsworth had it right - those little, seemingly meaningless acts of encouragement are truly a gift of the best of yourself. Since sharing our recent news of Arden's autism diagnosis, we have received calls, texts, babysitting offers, Facebook posts, emails, big, tight hugs, staggeringly generous gifts to Arden's Therapy Fund, and, of course, comment love here.

All of this has been awesome. You might have taken 30 seconds to comment here or on FB, or to shoot me a text, or to hug my neck. And it was simple, almost effortless - probably unremarkable and unremembered in your book - but it has meant a lot over here.

Thank you. The little things add up to big things. You can't know what a difference you have made.

Speech Therapy

This is also posted as an update on Arden's page on Give Forward.

Arden's speech therapy is conducted using the RDI principles. Basically, they are teaching her to engage and tune in to her "guide" (therapist or parent). Which is not as easy as it sounds.

Generally, kids on the spectrum exhibit a common trait - they do not know how to look to an adult for information about the world, which typically developing children do naturally and unconsciously. Can you imagine the kind of stress ASD children are under without the sense of safety provided by the knowledge that mom and dad has things under control? It breaks my heart. We adults can attest to the fact that it's hard to tune into situations we are trying to control. Add to that the fact that it's hard for ASD kids to tune in anyway, well.

Understanding it in this way makes sense that they have a need to be in control. This takes the form of repetitive behaviors, resistance to change, strict adherence to routine, scripting from TV and movies, and even self-harm. Arden exhibits all of these to varying degrees.

Unlike most speech therapists, Arden's is not targeting the behaviors. She is not teaching her "appropriate" scripts as answers in social situations (ie: "My name is..." "Fine, thank you. How are you?").  She is not playing tea party to teach her to share. She is not forcing eye contact. What she is doing is far more powerful.

Kayde (the speech therapist) is teaching Arden that she doesn't have to be in control. That normal give-and-take in interacting together can be safe and fun. That she can trust her guide. The idea is that if Arden can let down her guard, think about situations differently, and tune in to others, a great deal of the behaviors will be resolved.

And it's working! She's making more eye contact. She's looking to us when faced with new and challenging situations. She is noticing when people enter or leave a room. She's answering questions instead of asking them back to us! These are all HUGE for Arden.

I can't wait to see the kind of gains Arden will make when we are applying the principles in everyday life, not just an hour once a week.

Why I Disappeared

Autism is an increasingly prevalent condition in the U.S. At present, one child in 88 will be diagnosed. Our precious, curious, smart Arden Anne is one of them.

2012 was a hard year. We had a lot going on. We bought and partially renovated a house on 3.5 acres. We moved. My mom was deathly ill and in the hospital for two weeks. And we started pursuing answers to our concerns about Arden, leading to this week when we got the formal diagnosis that Arden is on the Autism Spectrum.

Autism or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a chronic neurological disorder that affects normal brain functions. Symptoms include ritualistic behavior, significantly underdeveloped social skills, aversion to change, and poor communication skills. There is no cure. There is only treatment. All we can do is provide Arden with therapies and work as hard as possible every day to intervene and mitigate the affects of her neurological vulnerabilities.

Arden has been in Speech Therapy since October 2012 and Occupational Therapy since January 2013. We are encouraged to be seeing progress!

In addition, we are pursuing Relationship Development Intervention (RDI), which has been developed expressly to help those with autism learn to cope with our ever-changing, dynamic world. Without dynamic intelligence, independent quality of life is very unlikely. It breaks our hearts to imagine that kind of future for her.

We do not want to see Arden in the 93% of those with Autism who cannot hold a job or live independently (a truly terrifying statistic!). RDI therapy, indeed, all autism therapies are expensive - and in our state, not covered by insurance. But no price is too high to provide our beloved child with something most of us take for granted - the ability to function in our world.

The fact is, every aspect of Autism is costly, no matter the family, no matter the path.

Financially, we have already been stretched significantly. Daniel has taken a second job, the income for which will all go toward treatment. In the past six months, we have spent an average of $450 a month on co-pays alone - which is more than we have spent on groceries, and that doesn't include medical bills!

Autism has hit us hard emotionally and mentally, too. It has been very, very hard – frequent sleepless nights, outbursts in public, and self-inflicted harm have been a part of our lives for the past three years. We are tired. We are frustrated. For the most part, we feel helpless.

One thing I had to learn (still learning) early on was to check my pride at the door. Nothing like autism to show me how prideful I am. It's humbling to admit my child is in Special Ed Pre-K. That she can't answer a yes-or-no question. That she is still in diapers because she isn't at all interested in potty-training. That she is functioning at the level of a seven month old in the area of interpersonal relationships and a one year old in social coping skills.

But it's not all bad news and I am not here to whine or complain. God doesn't make mistakes. This is part of His plan for our family. Arden is different, yes. But not broken, not less; there is nothing "wrong" with her. She is intelligent, healthy, and so easy to love. For the first time, I believe I truly understand how difficulty can be a blessing.

I hope to share our journey here to help and encourage other parents out there in the same way I have been helped. I have so many thoughts and discoveries to share. Stay tuned.

So Long, 2012! Don't Let the Door Hit You on the Way Out.!

Hi. It's been a while, huh?
Sorry I've been AWOL for so long. Bad, bad blogging.

Here's the thing: 2012 kind of kicked our butts.

There were good times.
There were awesome moments of blessing and God's provision.
There were exciting adventures.
But mostly, we're just drained. It was a hard year.

If you're reading this, you probably already know that. And you probably know what we've been dealing with. I'll probably be blogging about it soon. But for now, a little poem.

And ye, who have met with Adversity's blast,
And been bow'd to the earth by its fury;
To whom the Twelve Months, that have recently pass'd
Were as harsh as a prejudiced jury -
Still, fill to the Future! and join in our chime,
The regrets of remembrance to cozen,
And having obtained a New Trial of Time,
Shout in hopes of a kindlier dozen.
 ~Thomas Hood

So long, 2012! Don't let the door hit you on the way out!

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

If you wake the baby, we're through!

Love,

Me

Love, Joy, Peace

Hope you are resting this season!

Pre-Dibs Jeans

So, I have these jeans from well over five years ago before I met Dibs.

They are threadbare because they have been washed a million times. Which is also why they are incredibly soft and broken in.

I just love broken-in jeans, don't you?

They have have rips in both knees.


They have seen me through some of the best of times and the worst of times.


They look skin-tight, I have to lie on the bed to zip them up, and I have the muffintop from Hades but I can fit squeeze into my pre-baby, pre-Dibs jeans. Go me.

All I Want for Christmas

My Two Front Teeth!

(Mama wants a Silent Night.)

"Dear God, thank You for food 

and fam-ee-lee 

and Mama

and Leslie 

and Daddee... 

(pause) 

and BREAAAAaaaadddd. 

A-men!"

 

That's my girl.

She Will Be Doing This for the Rest of Her Life

 

We knew when we named her that Arden would go through life spelling her name for people. Anything out of the norm is just like that. But I didn't think she'd learn quite this early. 

We haven't coached her in any way, other than to read and talk about the alphabet and show her the letter when we write her name on paper or with sidewalk chalk. She also has one of those programmable dogs that sings and spells her name. So when she stared repeating that song and then pointing out the letters she knew, we thought she might pick it up. Dibs got out the foam bath letters and she did the rest. We've been having a blast.

 It boggles my mind that my helpless little firstborn is now a little girl. She can count to twelve, spell her name, pray, and when we go to tuck her in at night, she's in her wee bed with her head on the pillow and (usually) her body under the covers.

31 Observations and Epiphanies

For those of you who have been reading along with this month-long challenge, it has been a fun adventure. I hope you enjoyed it, too.

I don't know if I've offered anything here this month that terribly informative - it's been as typically self-centered as any other blog - but I have learned a lot. I thought I would wrap up with a little list of things I have either observed over the past month or epiphanies I have had over the past few years that came to mind this month. I'll leave it to you to guess which is which.

1. Tabasco is hotter than "hot sauce."
2. People in the church are still just people.
3. I get more done by getting up early than by staying up late.
4. It's better to be loving than to be right (most of the time).
5. Ignore the opinions of those who won't follow their own advice.
6. If you need the medicine, take it. No one will give you a medal for toughing it out.
7. After childhood, no one will make you take a nap. Do it anyway.
8. Everyone struggles with something.
9. Order what you really want.
10. Don't fail to plan; just know sometimes plans fail.
11. Enthusiasm and warm sincerity are the most attractive qualities anyone can have.
12. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want doesn't mean they don't love you.
13. Give the world your best. Not for the world's sake - but for yours.
14. It's called faith for a reason.
15. Debt-free feels good.
16. Be there.
17. I want to be the kind of woman who prays about things more than she talks about them.
18. Your audience is always pulling for you.
19. Nothing wins a crowd over like humor.
20. Marry the person you can go through valleys with. If he can make you laugh even in the bleakest times, so much the better. (I did and he does. We've been through some dark days together.)
21. I would have missed many beautiful sunrises were it not for my children.
22. Nobody cares how much you know unless it's a job interview (or your mother).
23. If something ever happened to me, I'd hate for my friends to come through my house and think, "Man, she was a lousy housekeeper." But that's better than being a lousy wife or mother. 
24. It never hurts to ask.
25. Comparison truly is the thief of joy.
26. It's really tough not to compare yourself with other parents and your child's abilities and achievements with their peers. Better to realize it and stop now than to hurt your child later.
27. There's a fine line between toddler inquisitiveness and naughty mischief.
28. When we talk about the "gift of cooking," some people are referring to a talent. But actually, cooking is a gift of time, effort, and taste to the one being fed. It's an opportunity to be creative, to try new things, and to have fun, so in that way, it's a gift to the cook as well. 
29. There are things a lady just should not find funny.
30. You can pitch a fit or get the job done but not both at the same time.
31. To learn a new behavior or unlearn an undesired one, take the 30-day challenge. I did!

31 Things to do Before 32

Well, today's the day! Sound the horn - today kicks off a year of adventure, reinvention, and challenges.

1. Start 529s for Arden and Leslie.
2. Make a quilt. Probably a small one.
3. Make one clothing item each for Arden and Leslie.
4. Complete my cooking list.
5. Organize recipes/ make cookbook.
6. Finish the wooden door mat (from the 31 Projects list).
7. Make a headboard.
8. Make a rag rug.
9. Invite one person or family over for dinner each month. I hope we actually do more than that.
10. Make enchiladas. I've never done it and you know it's one of my favorite foods.
11. Teach at least two workshops of any kind.
12. Have a Pinterest party (or similar craft party).
13. Read at least 6 biographies. I imagine my reading list will not be terribly large this year. I don't mind.
14. Learn to use my camera on manual.
15. Potty-train Arden!
16. Lose 10 lbs. 20 would be divine but I'll settle for 10.
17. Purchase land for our next home.
18. Write two letters a month, minimum. Postcards from Postcardly do not count.
19. Make myself a denim skirt out of old jeans.
20. Do the Ruler Growth Chart (from the 31 Projects List)
21. Paint my white fan to look like this one. Yet another from the 31 Projects.
22. Make a time-lapse video.
23. Have Leslie's Christmas stocking monogrammed... pronto.
24. Go to the Georgia Aquarium. 
25. Make magazine baskets.
26. Make a fabric Memory Game.
27. Frame Arden's Are You My Mother? banner.
28. Teach Arden to dress herself.
29. Hang a hook/ hooks in Arden's room for jackets and hats.
30. Stain the girls' IKEA table and chairs.
31. Make at least one overnight trip to The Farm. (Heh, maybe by this time next year, I'll get around to a night away with NO babies. Now that's a goal.)